did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
