1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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