Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
