i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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