Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
