Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
