in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
