She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
