When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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