The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
