We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
