Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
