I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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