the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
