I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
you made out with another girl for some wings
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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