Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize