i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
