4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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