And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
