so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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