So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
