How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
