Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
