i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
