how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
