he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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