Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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