So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
