Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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