a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
