My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we're making bets on your personal life
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
