And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
