i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
