just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
