are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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