saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
