My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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