So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
