Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
