i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
