i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
