Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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