Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
