I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
