I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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