Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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