Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
