Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
