I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
