Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
