you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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