I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
