my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
