Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
