Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
