I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
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i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize