I'm pants shitting drunk right now
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
