guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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