ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
