Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
