I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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