I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
