i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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