Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
