you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
