Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
