I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
