You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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