Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
