I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
