he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Drake has all the answers
I'm like, not good at living.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
